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Writer's pictureDr. J

Desires - Unlocking Your True Self: A Step-by-Step Guide to Discovering Your Deepest Desires

Are you ready to ignite your inner fire and uncover the true person that you are meant to be?

Welcome my friend. Why not focus on your true desires and explore the very fabric of your being? Think what it would be like to know that your actions are moving instep or out of step with your true self. Have you ever seen those people and you think to yourself, “That person knows exactly who they are and are full of purpose. They appear confident, decisive and full of passion. 


Let’s get real for a moment. Finding yourself and your true person is not like going to the grocery store to pick up a six-pack. It is like being on the shoreline of Seattle and deciding, let me drive up, park, and hike Mount Rainier today. It is an expedition with plenty of pitfalls, delays, stops to catch your breath. Every few steps you find yourself making a decision which trail to take. 


Why not pursue the journey, let me guide you through the twists, turns, and hidden passages that lead to your true authentic self. You have the power to create your reality by focusing on your goals, remaining persistent, and not letting deterrents stand in your way. Decide today is the day!


In recent blogs, I have shared approaches and strategies for building a life of purpose with balance, prolonged growth, and developing professionally and personally. Take that information and begin your journey. 


Step 1. Reflect on Your Story

Your life is a narrative—a collection of chapters, each etching its mark on your soul. From childhood dreams to adult triumphs, every twist shapes your beliefs. Grab a journal (or open a digital one) and start scribbling. Take a couple minutes and think about childhood moments. As children, we most authentic and less influenced by external expectations.  

Ask yourself:

  • What activities did I love doing as a child or maybe a teenager? 

  • What subject(s) really fascinated me?

  • What was a moment I felt so alive and engaged and forgot about time and others?

  • How did I become the person I am today?

  • What pivotal moments shaped my worldview?

  • What stories do I tell myself?


And don’t forget meditation—the gateway to your inner sanctum. Silence your mind, dive deep, and unravel the layers. I recently gave a client advice to take a silent weekend. Your mind and soul speaks and with silence you will be able to hear. 


Step 2. Determine Your Values 

Your past doesn’t define you; your values do. You’re not stuck in yesterday’s script. Tony Robbins says it best: “The past does not equal the future unless you live there.” 

So, let’s recalibrate. 

  • What lights your fire? A passion or something that you really REALLY do enjoy.  

  • Remember that time you felt so satisfied and felt the accomplishment was TOTAL!  

  • Not really? That is okay as well. Start with something that you enjoyed. Think about it, where you were, what you did, why it was enjoyable. Stay there a couple of minutes and ask the question. 

  • When was another time?

  • What principles guide your ship? 

  • What about a situation where you felt a strong sense of purpose? Completely engaged in the moment.

Remember, societal expectations ≠ your true self. Break free from the mold. Your values are your North Star—unwavering, brilliant, uniquely yours.


Step 3. Explore Your Current Events

What do you currently do? Your hobbies, activities, and interests. What do you enjoy doing in your free time? Better asked, if you were ever completely alone for the weekend, what would you do? Consider:

  • What topics or activities do you frequently read about or engage in?

  • What types of conversations do you find most stimulating?

  • When on social, what are those clicks that you stop for, a slight delay before moving on?

  • What activities leave you feeling energized and fulfilled?


This section can include work. I recently worked on pulling together information for a new venture I was considering. It was hard research and I was deep into online library search. When I looked at the time, I was amazed 4 hours had passed. 


Step 4. Silence Your Inner Critic 

Ah, the self-talk—the relentless chatterbox in your head. Is it cheering you on or sabotaging your dreams? Imagine you’re your own best friend (because you are!). Would you let your friend berate themselves? Heck no! So, when negativity creeps in, kick it to the curb. Replace it with empowering thoughts. Ask yourself: 

  • Would I say that to a friend? Well, my friend, our inner voice can need silencing of that inner critic.

  • Is that thought based on fact or on fear?

  • What evidence is there to support this thought?

  • Over the next 24 hours document each time you use one of the detrimental self-sabotaging words: 

  • Try - each time you use replace try with I will or I will not. Each situation is a yes/no decision, think about it.

  • Can’t - really? Is it I can’t or I can, how can I, or I do not want to at this moment?

  • Should - is all about the guilt. Again, I will or I choose not to at this time.

  • Need - what on earth are you lacking to accomplish what you want? That rights, replace need with want or desire. 

  • Never/always - Is anything really that absolute? Think about a time when you said to your friend, sure let’s go for something you had not yet done.

  • BUT - you just negated everything that proceeded the but. Create inclusive statements using and. 

By the way, this list is only the beginning. There are 40 words I work with clients to stop using. 


Step 5. Conduct a Desire Mapping Exercise

Desire mapping is a powerful exercise to visualize your desires. Here's how to do it:

  • Start my completing the Wheel of Life (previous blog). 

  • Take a large piece of paper and write "My Desires" in the center.

  • Draw branches extending from the center and label them with each different area of the wheel of life.

  • Under each branch, write down specific desires related to that area. Be as detailed and specific as possible.

This visual representation helps you see the bigger picture and identify patterns or connections between different desires.

Step 6. Engage in Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness and meditation can help you connect with your inner self and uncover hidden desires. Try the following:

  • Set aside time each day for quiet reflection or meditation.

  • Focus on your breath and clear your mind of distractions.

  • Ask yourself open-ended questions, like "What truly excites me?" or "What do I feel drawn to?"

  • By the way, there are mindfulness apps available for your phone.

Pay attention to the thoughts and feelings that arise during these sessions. They can provide valuable insights into your deepest desires.

Step 7. Experiment and Take Action

Finally, put your ideas to the test. Experiment with different activities and observe how they make you feel. Try:

  • Pick one of the areas you want to try.

  • Commit for the next 5 to 7 days to document, what it is, what you would need to start, how much time you are willing to commit each day to working on the area?

  • Create an action plan of what you will do during the next 5 to 7 days.

  • Take up new hobbies or revisit old ones.

  • Volunteer for causes you care about.

  • Explore new career opportunities or side projects.

Keep a journal to document your experiences and feelings. Note which activities resonate with you and which do not. Over time, you will gain clarity on your true desires.



Conclusion


Is it worth it? Hell yes, it is worth it. I recommend people take time to develop desires and follow their path. In my life, great success in my long work life which includes 3 distinct careers has been my personal result. I also have taken 3 distinct educational paths each at least 5 years apart. My paths have gone from individual contributor, to team member, to manager, to team member, to consultant, back to team member, to manager or above. 


My formal education includes a Bachelor in Biological Sciences, MBA specializing in Finance, and a PhD as an I-O Psychologist. 


I have worked in industries including Immunological Research, Retirement Services, Insurance and Banking, Information Technology, and Organizational Development. Industries have included Medicine, Financial Services, Consumer Packaged Goods, and Retail  My jobs have included immunological research, clinical histocompatibility services, financial operations management, insurance and financial services leadership, innovative leadership in financial services, project management in IT business-to-business services, and IT project management in website and eCommerce services.


I remember one mentor telling me, “I give you a job, you make it your role. You mold it and shape it to provide benefit to the company and to provide benefit to you.” Those words have guided me throughout my career. 


Looking back at my life of many decades in the workforce, I can share my reality. 

  • I committed to myself in my late 20’s that I would not spend time with regrets. I simply do, explore, learn, and keep going.

  • My career was about building. I evaluated and highlighted transferable skills prior to changes and highlighted my skills as I changed each job and career. 

  • I did not take lateral moves. Each move during my growth phase resulted in an increased benefit package, responsibility, and span of control. When I changed from healthcare to finance, I was worried so spent more time evaluating my skills to define transferable skills.  

  • Network, network, network. I created strong networks and maintain the networks and have been willing to reach out and contact someone. 

  • Early in my career, I made family a priority and maintained a healthy balance of work and personal. Did I miss baseball games, birthday parties, sure I did. However, I placed family above all else and each job knew I did so that when I missed an event, I could miss knowing that was one event. .

  • About 10 years ago, I shifted from growth phase of my career to a giving back phase of my career. Do I miss the ability to affect change, yes; however, the thrill I get with shaping new talent and future leaders has been great fun. 


Let’s Get Started!!


Take action on this blog, it can be incredible fun. Determining your desires isn't just a task—it's an exhilarating adventure into the depths of your true self. Imagine standing at the precipice of your potential, ready to dive into a life brimming with passion and fulfillment. That's the power of understanding your desires, and it all starts with a journey of self-discovery that requires patience, openness, and a fierce commitment to your own growth.    

This journey towards discovering your desires is not just about the destination—it's about enjoying every step along the way. Celebrate your progress, learn from your experiences, and stay committed to your path. The more you embrace the process, the more fulfilling and passionate your life becomes.

Unleash the power within you. Dive into the journey of self-discovery with excitement and determination. Your desires are the key to a life filled with passion, purpose, and unparalleled joy. Embrace them, nurture them, and watch as your life transforms into a masterpiece of fulfillment. You’ve got this!


Join Me on This Journey

I’ve spent years helping corporate professionals like you unlock their desires and achieve an extraordinary life. Now, it’s your turn. Join me as we dive into the fundamentals of Desire Mapping. 

Let’s make it happen. Together, I will guide you through the process that will serve you for the rest of your life. 


Take the Next Step

Ready to embark on this transformative journey? Let’s redefine your story and create a future filled with limitless possibilities. Contact me today to learn more about my coaching services and how we can work together to uncover your desires.

Think of others and the example you can provide to them. 

Happy journey!


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